Saturday, July 28, 2012

To my force of nature, To my Kylie..

Today Kylie is 4.  When I think back to how much has happened, I feel dumbfounded.  When did she get so big?  When did she stop being my baby?  I've been feeling kinda emotional about this, you know her being four, and at first I wasn't really sure why, but now I get it.  Four is the age you can no longer call them a baby, or think they are a baby.  She dosnt even want to be called a baby, she is a big girl, and this fall she will start school.  Kylie picks out her own clothes, can buckle her own seat belt,(while in her booster seat of course) brush her teeth ride her scooter, her Barbie four wheeler, get her own drink (sorta) etc.  The list of things she can do is never ending, and the list of things she can't I feel gets smaller by the day.  When I look at her, her chubby baby cheeks, and big round blue eyes, are replaced with her already sassy attitude (God help me).  Kylie I'm not sure how you got so big, but boy do I love you.

I would like to tell the story of Kylie (a Condensed version anyway. Full one to come.. One day)

New job, Good Job, all of 19, madly in love with the same man for the last two years, coming down off our Halloween High (as we like to call it) Still putting everything away from the party only five days before.  Relaxing in Jon's then living room, watching a movie after a long day at work.  Stuffing my face thanks to a new found appetite for junk food, when Jon so casually says (maybe tmi for some)
"Its been awhile."
"A while since what?" Me talking with food in my mouth.
"Since you've mentioned your period, end of September maybe?"  Well how strange of him to inquire, in fact I was a little offended, oh wait when was the last time?  I had no idea.

I sorta brushed him off, and went to bed, only to worry about it ALL day at work.  I mean it was consuming me, it really had been a long time since iI had it, I couldn't even remember.  Oh no.  No it can't be, was the internal debate I could no longer stand when after work I purchased a cheap pregnancy test.

At the time Jon and I were both working nights and living together.  I waited for him to get home, actually I never left the car, and can I tell you I was so nervous I was chain smoking (I know so unflattering, but then I was a smoker.) By the time we were inside and I had explained my delima Jon wisely (and practically)  said, "Just take the test then you will know either way."

We both nervously waited afterwards Jon standing in the door way and me well unmoving mostly because I could already see the second line forming, indicating that I was pregnant.  No I kept thinking it can't be.  My father was going to KILL me.  I would be the first person in the history of my family to have a child out of wedlock.  My brothers were going to KILL Jon.  Panic flooded through me, and Jon said something I can't remember, when I handed the stick to him.  He was quiet for a while but soon said, "I don't know what your thinking but I for one am happy, I love you, and I love our baby."  Isn't he a dream boat.  (You see Jon is five years my senior and was approach his 25th birthday.  He had oftener mentioned how much he wanted a family of his own one day.)He than proceeded to endure the freak out of the century, as well as going out to buy me more tests, after all was said and done 9 tests later, I cried my self to sleep.  I was scared and had no clue what to do.

The following morning I went to see my rock, my best friend, my mom.  One look and she knew, guessed in an instant. "Your pregnant aren't you?"  After telling her everything including my whoas she patiently listened before speaking :No matter what you decided, and remember it is your choice no else's I will support you, your father will support you.  I know you will make the right choice.  But should you decided to keep the baby your father and I will help in any way we can, whatever you and Jon need.  Long story short, I made a Doctors appointment only to learn I wad far enough along to hear the heart beat, and the second the sound filled the room I cried, I was in love with this baby, totally and irrevocably in love, and by the look on Jon's and my moms face so were they.

So I watched my body change and my baby grow soon learning she was a she, and naming her Kylie Anne Josephine.  Before I knew it we were in July preparing for her arrival , her original due date was August 8th they weren't entirely sure however because as your recall I couldn't refer the last time aunt flow visited.  That being said I want to be honest in telling you I gained a ton of weight with Kylie about 60 lbs give or take, and My Dr. thought she was going to be a big baby so I had an ultra sound to measure her, only to discover not only was she over 7.5 lbs, but she was breeched, her head wedged under my ribs, and on top of all that my amniotic fluid was low,  really low.  I was told to head for the hospital immediately and that we would defiantly be having a c-section.  I cried  all I wanted was an easy natural birth, but all the specialist and doctors told me she was to big for my frame regardless I would have ended up in an OR.  So before I knew it we had a scheduled c-section for July 30th, and I was to attend the high risk doctor every two days.  Ugh, it was hot and I was a beached whale in need of shade, and all I wanted was to get her out.  So an end in sight was a good thing.  The weekend before my scheduled c-section I had been having horrible back pain and was miserable.  So my wonderful parents took me out to eat at the restaurant Jon then worked at to cheer me up.  After being fussed over by everyone (i used to work there too) and a wonderful meal, Jon came out to see me, he was talking to my dad, when I suddenly felt a gush of water run down my legs (I was wearing a dress). At that point I was pretty horrified that I had just peed my pants.  I sort of just sat there as it kept gushing out, and my mother being a mother says "T are you alright?"  Then the following conversation ensued:

Me "Mom whats it feel like when your water breaks?"
Mom "I'm not sure honey it never happened to me."
Me "Well is dripping down my legs."

The panic that ensued was chaotic at best, and overwhelmed me even further.  Even Jon being naturally calm was panicked.  Everyone was running around and finally my parents put me in the car head to get my over night bag, then the hospital.  At first I wasn't really having contractions but then bam it hit me. By the time we got to the hospital I was in so much damn pain I was ready to kill the next person who touched me.  I had just ate and Kylie being breeched my doctor wanted to wait as long as possible.

True to her nature Kylie had other plans, as in my labor so painful, finally an intern thought to check me.  He was so friendly and happy, I remember wanting to punch him in the face, when his face suddenly dropped while checking me, and he quickly ran out of the room to get to doctor I knew I was at least 8 cm dilated.  Seriously people PAIN, I just wanted it to stop.  She was coming out one way or another, and suddenly I am laying on the operating table, with my hands tied down and jon sitting next to me.  Nervously awaiting her arrival. About 10 minutes later my doctors voice filled the room "Happy birthday little one."  And boy did she scream.

7lbs 9Oz 21 1/2 inches born at 1:42 AM

I met the love of my life that night, and ever since have been captivates by her seer presence.  her smile lights up my day and her energy drives me crazy I would be so lost with out that little girl.  Happy 4th birthday to my little force of nature, so true to your birth your a tenacious and beautiful, precocious and a ray of pure joy and happiness I am so lucky to call you my daughter, and I know you have changed so many's lives with your smile.  Mommy and Daddy love you Kylie Anne.

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